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It feels impossible for me to make this video for some reason because it's so emotionally charged right now, but I have to tell you some of the good things that are happening. I've been talking to my doctors and my therapist a lot about how I am more of a woman than I initially anticipated I don't know why that feels like such a huge thing to say. I don't want to leave behind anybody in the non-binary community. I will never forgo that label. It will always feel like something accurate to me. Oh my god, I'm sorry. This is so... Why is this such a big thing? I have felt more of a call than ever to get in touch with who I truly am, and it's just coming out as a woman every single time I see myself in the future. I see myself as a woman, as a mother. I see myself turning into my mom. The good parts and the parts I don't want to turn into. I'm sure we can all relate to that. Oh god, this is such a disaster. I wanted to make a happy video. I swear to god this is good. I had my first... Where are my glasses? I can't even see you. This is going horribly. Sit there for a second. I had my first appointment where I switched from estrogen pills to injections, and it was so emotional. I looked at the nurse and I was sobbing. She's a friend of mine. And I said, I feel like me for like the first time. And I don't... I don't know why. I feel like I keep having all these new moments of discovery. And it is not a coincidence that it's happening in this political moment. I know that. I know that for a fact. Because I am digging my heels in as hard as I can to the transness that everyone hates. Because I want... As I always say, I want to love us twice as hard as they hate us. And sometimes that starts with myself. I had my first laser hair removal appointment the other day , which is something I never thought I was going to say. But now all of a sudden I look at my face and I'm dysphoric as fuck about it. And you know what? Off it goes. These have really grown. Honestly, I love them. And so do all the boys in this neighborhood. As our bodily autonomy as trans people is being stripped away, I feel a sense of survivor's guilt having these euph oric experiences. I understand that it is a product of my privilege, of my thinness, of my whiteness, of my... The fact that I like have a savings account now. I didn't used to. Please understand that when I'm telling you this, the privilege of having these experiences is not lost on me. And the reason I'm telling you this is because I want everybody else to have them. I want my joy to be witnessed so it doesn't get taken away from other people. Every trans person deserves this kind of joy. Every trans person deserves access to medical care. Every trans person deserves to be loved by the world and the community that they live in. It feels so weird to be having these wins right now. And also, it is the thing that is giving me hope. So I hope that I can impart that to you so that you can continue fighting for people like me. Because I want... I just want a whole world of, like, happy trans people crying about how, like, great their latest HRT appointment went. Like, I just... I just want us all to be okay. So... Thanks for watching this disaster of a video.