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We listen and we don't judge. Sometimes when I serve dinner, I eat my own meal in the kitchen before plating our dinner, so it looks like we're getting the same amount, but I always get more. Sometimes when you're in the bathroom, I turn the Wi-Fi off so that you won't stay in there for very long. I wait for you to fall asleep. I go and turn the temperature up because I like a warmer room, and then I wake up early and turn it back down, and that's why you've been sweating so much at night. Sometimes I pretend that I have cramps when I'm not in the mood. I'm not actually allergic to your mom's cat. I just don't like her. Sometimes when the dog takes a shit, I pretend I don't see it so that you'll clean it up. I also do that. You didn't max out your credit card. We did. I've been using it to shop online. I took our emergency fund money that we contributed to together and lost it on crypto about five months ago. I replaced your vape with nicotine-free juice, and that's why you've been so irritable lately. The engagement ring I got you is used. What do you mean it's used? I proposed to... it was a brief thing. I just didn't think it was relevant. No judge. No judge. You don't actually snore at night. Sometimes I just ask you to sleep in the guest room because you're annoying. I jerked off to your best friend's TED talk. The one about sustainable agriculture? Your brother slapped my ass on a camping trip while you were chopping wood. I lied about you having bad breath just to humble you. You're conceited. Your dick is the smallest I've had. I got a happy ending in Vegas for Steve's bachelor party, and I think about it when we have sex. When we were on our break, I got back together with my ex, and we filmed all content, and I'm still making money off of it. Don't judge. I use regular instead of premium when you send me to get gas.